A book is being burned tonight. In a large metal bucket it lays, pages saturating with lighter fluid, ink bleeding through the pages, a small pool of fluid on the bottom, the smell of fuel and metal. An old man sits with conviction, in the privacy of his back yard holding a box of matches like it were his final communion. He pays no attention to his wife who is watching TV. He doesn’t care about the dishes he’ll wash when steps back inside the house. He only has the single-minded desire to destroy the one thing he hates, has been told it is good to hate; he is trying to destroy evil. He closes his eyes for a moment, utters a breathless prayer to his god, strikes the match, and watches it burn. The fire in his eyes is known by many as conviction. He is burning a Koran.
When I was a young boy, I went with my family to hear a well established evangelist named Mario Murillo. I also wanted to become an evangelist someday which motivated me to memorized much of the bible. Whenever we would play those bible games in Sunday School like “find the verse first and read it out loud” I would always win. I considered myself a badass for Jesus. This particular night as i listened to Murillo preach, I drew a picture of him. I basically drew a stick figure on fire, standing on fire, on a page full of fire. I explained to my mom that it symbolized how on fire for God he was. Thinking back on it now, I realize it looked more like a stick figure in Hell. I’m operating on different premises now, but it is no wonder they wouldn’t let me give him the picture I drew.
Somewhere in The Holy Bible, written by the hand of God who’s ways and logic are incomprehensible to us (he does, however, exhibit standard human emotions such as jealousy and anger) it says that a person cannot serve two masters. People who read this tend to think of the cursory interpretations. Much like an obedient dog would confuse the commands of two owners whistling for him to run towards them both simultaneously, they count the road of following Christian precepts as one master and then categorize all the other ways under “The Way of the World” and consider it the other, lesser master. This thought has of course been fully developed and exhausted. The way in which the two masters verse is more true is in regards to one’s Premises. You cannot serve two counteracting premises. The single most affective contradiction on Earth occurs when one person expects someone else’s premises to be the same as their own. The second contradiction occurs when a person does not live according to the premises they claim to accept. Of course before I can begin a discussion about Premises, which is by nature logical, we have to accept that which is logical, if only for a moment.
What are things that make us human? Consciousness, for one. Then the ability to consciously interact with our environment. Then the value judgments we create in order to give reason to our madness of being alive. Then, because by our very nature, we push the limits of our potential, we create systems that will make our lives easier by working with each other. Born at different time periods, John the baptist would have nothing more noble to look forward to upon reaching manhood than planting his crops(which is by the way extremely noble), then going off to the crusades to fight evil(which is extremely ignoble), and finally becoming the Commander in Chief of the Free World.(which has it’s perks, I must admit, but I don’t find any more noble than being a really good farmer and providing for one’s family.) In terms of religion, thousands of years before Judaism there were shamans on every land mass on Earth. In Japan, Shintoism was teaching people the reverence of life. Objectively, the stories that are associated with a belief system are unimportant. It is the affect the beliefs have on the individual and the motives it gives the individual to be alive and interact with his fellow man. It is the values a person derives from the beliefs that makes the belief itself seem necessary.
Psalm 119:
You’re blessed when you stay on course,
walking steadily on the road revealed by God.
You’re blessed when you follow his directions,
doing your best to find him.
That’s right—you don’t go off on your own;
you walk straight along the road he set.
You, God, prescribed the right way to live;
now you expect us to live it.
Oh, that my steps might be steady,
keeping to the course you set;
Then I’d never have any regrets
in comparing my life with your counsel.
I thank you for speaking straight from your heart;
I learn the pattern of your righteous ways.
I’m going to do what you tell me to do…
That being said, the motives for individual values must be fully internal. It has to be a choice. Otherwise, the contradiction of detaching from your premises occurs. Allow me to take this time to explain the premise of faith and how it differs from my own and why, by right of being alive, I would be living a lie to operate by it.
Faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen. That’s somewhere in the King James version, word for word. In other words, faith is the evidence for things not tangible. By faith, everything not provable by science is provable. The flying spaghetti Monster came down from the heavens and with a noodley appendage touched the Planet Earth and bequeathed life to it. It doesn’t take faith to know the chair I sat on this morning that felt sturdy then will not break when I sit on it now. It doesn’t take faith to know my mom and dad are alive and well. It doesn’t take faith to know your husband or wife loves you. It does take faith to make a gamble on a better job, but even that is within the realm of one’s ability to rely on their own two hands. It is still the interaction of humanity and part of the process of being alive. Faith requires a disconnection between mind and body. You enter a realm where reason and logic are inadequate. Faith requires that the value judgments operate from the fact that the body is evil and reason is obsolete. We are unable to understand The Almighty. We don’t need to use reason to walk when the path is already paved for us by someone whom we will never have a chance of comprehending. This life is, after all, just a shadow of the life to come when we die. However, when one detaches themselves from their ability to reason, they open themselves up to the perils of arriving at monstrous conclusions.
The Garden of Eden, ten thousand years ago. Adam and Eve were created as blank slates, as robots, without the ability to have value judgments, and were told not to eat fruit of two trees. One was eternal life and the other was the knowledge of good and evil. God told them that they would die. I don’t need to point out that if they ate from a tree of eternal life, they couldn’t die unless God killed them. A serpent spoke to them and told them they wouldn’t die if they ate from the tree. Without the knowledge of good and evil, there is no right and wrong, no obedience and disobedience, no sin. Thus the action of eating the fruit was not sin, but it is Considered sin, because the story is a symbol of homo sapiens becoming humans with the power to have values, to create, to achieve, to be beings for themselves in a world full of animals. The good and right aspect of mankind becomes evil by faith. Love becomes charity as it is required to be unconditional and eternal.
On the other end of the see-saw is the Premise of Public Opinion. These are the people who aren’t religious but take life for granted, or go to Church on Sundays because they’ve always done it and to not go to church would be like allowing someone to disrespect their mother. I think of popular music being predominantly about money, dancing, and infatuation. These sorts of people take everything at the cursory level. Their motives are whatever they were taught to be as children or whatever they feel like letting them be now that they are older and have control of their lives, but without putting thought into it other than thinking “I want.” and “I need.” For these people, what they refer to as love is the most prominent instant gratification.
There is a third Premise, scribbled on a tattered notebook in a box of my old junk. I wrote on it before I shipped out for the Navy. My motives for joining were simple and the fact that I share the same motives with many others is unimportant. I had a purpose beyond the Navy and for a time after the Navy. The light at the end of the tunnel was a quasar and I felt as if I had the keys to the kingdom. Even now I look forward to pursuing journalism, which is the single most important pillar of democracy. Then I shipped out, and it’s already been three years. Three years of limbo. Three years of putting my premise on pause, trying to be content with the Navy’s hurry up and wait policy. You see, the Navy doesn’t pay you for your accomplishments as much as your time. These four years I haven’t just been working a job you can come home from. That annoying thing I have about bring work home with me? These four years are the job. A job that hurts my brain. A job in which in the ways I value, I am motionless. I have traveled all over the world and I’m rarely able to sleep in and yet I’m standing still. Moss grows fat on me. Stagnation causes the inevitability of decay, slowly at first then rapidly.
My premise is the love the life. There is nothing more sacred than Life itself. There is no greater cause worth fighting over. Faith is about death, and those bending over backwards for public opinion aren’t fully alive either, but I want to be alive. This is the one life I have and I could want nothing more. All values must be based on that premise. Right must be towards life and Wrong must be the other things. Love must be given towards the deserved and towards the values I hold sacred. Sexual intercourse not be evil, but right, accepting that the love of life means the love of self and the love of pleasure, appreciating every moment and a display of love towards the partner and of that partner’s values. Arguing about simple miscommunication isn’t a display of reverence towards life. How on earth have I allowed myself to decay, acknowledging the road, but losing sight of it’s purpose? I refuse the burden of original sin. My worship is towards life and my catalyst is my mind. The ability to reason is our most sacred ability. Logic is not subjective. Granted, common sense isn’t common, because each person’s common sense is subjective to their backgrounds, but Logic reigns supreme. There are no contradictions. As Ayn Rand would say, if there seems to be a contradiction, check your premises.
I have been living a lie only discernible through my attitude towards my actions and even some of my actions because I had lost sight of my purpose and of my premise. My motivation to be alive has subsequently been dying. To live other than one’s values is a lie. To force one’s values on another or allow another’s values to be forced on one’s self is a lie. In Italy, the rate of decay is faster than the rate of workers rebuilding the inhabited structures. They end up compromising little by little. On the outside, the buildings are no longer kept up very often but the interior is still decent. Then the appliances start breaking and they hang their laundry out on the balconies. Next thing you know, the filth accumulating on the streets where the gypsies dig out of trash that’s everywhere will come bulldozing its way inside their homes and they’ll lock themselves in their bedrooms and wonder what went wrong. And here, Mumford and Sons will sing Little Lion Man, just for me as I suffer from leprosy of the mind.
Not this time. Not ever. I’m calculating the rate of restoration…
September 11, 2010
Categories: Uncategorized . . Author: lonewolfninja . Comments: Leave a comment